Hello Everyone!
So it's official-I am only going to blog once a week. Tuesdays it is! I'm slightly relieved that I am too busy to blog often, but the reality is that I am too lazy :) Oh well.
The good-I picked up my wedding veil from Kleinfeld this week! And it is absolutely perfect.
The bad-apparently, the trip to NYC right on the heels of a Very Busy Week was too much for my immune system to take, and I am SIIIIIICK. It's bad. I was in bed all weekend. I had to cancel several things and I felt bad about it. I did feel good, in a way, that I had things to cancel. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much a of a life here in Boston, and it's always nice to have a reminder that I have, in fact, made a bit of a life for myself here.
It's been awhile since I've been this sick, like, stay in bed all day sick. It's humbling to acknowledge that our bodies are as imperfect as our souls are. They wear out when they are not properly cared for, and they will shut down if they don't get what they need. A forced shutdown was exactly what I needed, though, and I am strangely glad of it. It certainly helps it was raining ALL week. Nice to stay in bed when it's cloudy and awful outside. It was sort of nice to have a "time out" for a while-I only wish it was under better circumstances. I hope that I've learned from this, so that I don't wind up here again. Let's see if I make good on my resolution to take better care of my body. Keep your fingers crossed!
In that vein, I've stocked the fridge with tons of fruit and other healthy things. I am taking a stab at cutting out processed foods as much as I can. It's expensive and time-consuming to actually cook food (who knew?) but I figure if not now, when? I'm trying to tell myself that natural food is so delicious that I don't need to eat tons of it, and that this is how I'm supposed to eat. Again, we'll see how long this lasts.
I feel like everything in my life is "wait and see" right now. I am so, so heartbroken about something that happened in church this week. Tom and I have been going to this wonderful, loving church that has made us feel accepted and welcomed. I am part of a homeless outreach group that I absolutely ADORE, and I've made some real friends. I've felt like a hole in my heart I didn't know existed had been filled. Well, up until now.
This Sunday, our pastor, who Tom and I really admire and respect, announced that a speaker was going to share testimony about a really important and special ministry of the church. A woman stood and shared about Christ Alive ministries, who help people "suffering from same sex attraction free themselves from temptation". She went on to say that same sex attraction is just temptation, but that temptation can be overcome with prayer and counseling. I don't know what she said after that, because Tom and I walked out.
I felt betrayed. I am still reeling. How could this place I've come to think of as my spiritual home advocate such a toxic thing? There is absolutely no scientific evidence that homosexuals can change their orientation. What there is overwhelming evidence of is the fact that efforts to try to change one's orientation can be incredibly harmful and detrimental. With gay teen suicide rates 4 times higher than straight teens, why oh WHY does ANYONE think telling people they can supress their orientation is okay?
It's so insidious because the message is not even "you can stop being gay", it's "you can keep your gayness in check". What kind of a life is the church, MY church, advocating for its people? I have been sad and wounded all week thinking about this, but as I type I am getting outraged. How dare they?
We've been struggling with whether or not to leave this congregation. Like I said, we enjoy many wonderful things there-our pastoral counselor is from that church, the Thursday night group, and the fellowship-but I just can't stomach the idea of going there for guidance ever again. When I posted about this on facebook, many of you posted thoughtful and helpful responses. I have written a letter to the senior pastor, telling him I was troubled about this and that I wanted to talk to him about it. We'll see how he reacts. I don't see any way that we will be able to still attend, but I do hope so very much that I will be able to air my grievances to him. I don't want to shout or be rude (relax, Tom, I won't cause a scene) but I do want to let them know that MY God is the God of LOVE and I can't stay at a church where LOVE is not the governing principle. I am just heartsick over this. I don't really know what to do. Tom and I have been praying over it, and we can't make up our minds. So, that's a big downer right now. Sorry to unload it on you all, but I just can't believe that this is STILL going on in 2012, in the liberal bastion of the nation, Massachusetts. Blows my mind.
On a much lighter and happier note, I am going to DC this weekend for Part 1 of my bachelorette party!! My old GG&SS friends are throwing me a bash at the Billy Goat, the holy grail of law school party bars. Many brilliant cast parties took place there and I almost remember all of them :) I have an inexplicable fondness for the place, in spite of (or perhaps because of) its unsavory character. Since I am as a rule a rather straight-laced, serious person, it's delightful to know there's a bar where dubious decisions are practically guaranteed, but in the safest manner possible. It's what I imagine freshman year of college is like at normal colleges. (side note-in an interview today, interviewer said "I noticed you went to St. John's. That's got to be one of the greatest colleges in the United States." Woop woop!) So, hopefully the pictures will not make it to facebook, aka This Party Does Not Exist, but I am SO looking forward to seeing my lovely DC ladyfriends!!! (and some malefriends, although they are NOT invited to the bachelorette party! Girls only!)
Well, I've got work to do (yes, I know it's ten pm. Yes, I know that's why I got sick. I know. I know) so I'd better go. Sorry I haven't talked about Glee in forever. It's been really bad. I don't even know why I watch it anymore. Highlight of the past three episodes was getting to see nearly-naked Noah Puckerman. And of course, Blaine's red skinny jeans. Gosh, I love those jeans. I want to die and be reincarnated as Blaine's jeans. They are the most interesting character in Glee anymore.
See you all next week!
Love,
Laura
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Showered With Love
Hi Everyone!
I am so thankful for the comments y'all have been leaving here. It's fantastic to hear from all of you!! You are so inspiring and wise. It's been an unexpected blessing of this blog, reconnecting with all of you.
As of yesterday, it's two months until the wedding, so AAH! I am so excited...for it to get here and to be over. I can't wait to have everyone I love around me (and of course, to be joined to Tom in the eyes of God), but I am so over the stress of planning! Mom is certainly bearing the brunt of all the work, so I know I'm getting off easy, but it is still a never-ending parade of vendors, with ten million questions to make "your special day PERFECT!" I would like less perfection and less questions, thank you very much. It seems to me that all of this wedding hoopla has very little to do with the actual marriage, aka The Reason This Is Happening. Still, I am confident that it's going to be lovely. I can't wait!
"Glamour" this month (anyone else HATE the new, dumbed-down format) had a feature article on whether or not women still believe in marriage. It had the startling statistic that 50% of babies are born out of wedlock nowadays. I find this all, on the whole, encouraging. I think that women waiting longer to wed is GREAT! Nobody should be rushed into marriage for financial reasons, as was the case before. I can't imagine leaving my parents' house and going directly to my husband's home. I loved my single life in my own apartment, and I would not have traded it for anything. I think that women deserve time between being daughters and wives to just be women. Being a woman is hard enough. I think there are vital self-discovery things that go on during that time, without which I know for SURE I would not be ready to be married. I wanted to be my own person before I became half of a whole, and I know that single self-knowledge time will serve me well.
The spectre of divorce looms over my generation, that's for sure. We've not only heard the statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce-we've lived it. Our friend's parents or our parents have split up, and we've grown up knowing what divorce does to families. I'm not advocating against divorce, rest assured. Sometimes things are toxic and unhealthy and divorce is much better than staying in that unsafe place "for the children". I do think, though, having seen so much divorce, women of my age are less likely to wed without really thinking about it.
So if we believe less in "happily ever after", is that really great or really bad? I can't decide. I sometimes think that the "back in my day" stuff is just bunk and there were awful marriages back then, just like now. I like the idea that things are out in the open and nobody is living with shame or fear in private. I am a huge proponent of sharing woes instead of hiding them (obviously-I'm a blogger). But, I do fear we've lost some hope, and that makes me sad. I truly believe I am marrying the love of my life. I have no illusions that things will be perfect, easy, or even pleasant sometimes. But I know who I am, I know who he is, and I know we can make it. It will require endless work but will offer endless rewards. I do believe that true love can happen and it's out there. Am I just totally naive? I don't think so. But of course, I could be wrong.
Important note: this is NOT to say that our twenties are an excuse to be a train wreck, ladies! I firmly do NOT approve of the new HBO show "Girls" (and "Tiny Furniture", the movie that spawned it) and the notion that "being real" means vomiting in one's neighbor's potted plant and doing poorly in one's job. Yes, we all have bad days. But ten years is a really long time to have a bad day. When can we have a show about women who are smart and ambitious and NOT total messes? Show me that, HBO.
Well, all this depressing talk is really just a lead in for my fabulous BRIDAL SHOWER, which happened this weekend! My lovely mother-in-law to be, as well as my sisters-to-be, really went all out to throw me a gorgeous shower. I felt a little silly, being the center of attention (really, these events are odd-you just watch someone open presents for a few hours) but I was just so humbled by all the love and blessings I received. My amazing mom surprised me and flew in my aunts! I was shocked to see them and so grateful for everyone who made that surprise happen.
The event was in the basement of Linda's church, which is just so pretty. Alicia, my BFF, and Victoria, my sister, came in from NYC for the shower, which was super-duper nice. I can aready tell how boring this post is-it's just me saying everything was nice! But it WAS, it really was. To see all my family together, old and new, was just overwhelming. How lucky can a girl get? First I get the perfect guy, then I get the support of my family and friends...it's just so hard to come up with a single negative thought when you are literally surrounded by loved ones. I got tons of cool stuff, enjoyed my excellent company, and overall really had a fabulous day.
To top off the amazing time, I spoke last night at a Women for Obama event! Lilly Ledbetter (of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act-google her if you don't know her amazing story!) was the keynote speaker, and then I did the Obama volunteer pitch. It was so energizing and cool to be surrounded by women of all ages and backgrounds (oldest attendee is 96! And she's running for NH State Rep next term!) I can't reiterate enough how much I love, love, LOVE working for the Obama campaign. The people I have met there are out of this world. It's just an adventure and a pleasure every day. Somebody who heard me asked me to come to her event on Friday, so if this whole blogging thing doesn't pan out, I can always go on the speaking circuit...
See you all soon! Have a wonderful week!
I am so thankful for the comments y'all have been leaving here. It's fantastic to hear from all of you!! You are so inspiring and wise. It's been an unexpected blessing of this blog, reconnecting with all of you.
As of yesterday, it's two months until the wedding, so AAH! I am so excited...for it to get here and to be over. I can't wait to have everyone I love around me (and of course, to be joined to Tom in the eyes of God), but I am so over the stress of planning! Mom is certainly bearing the brunt of all the work, so I know I'm getting off easy, but it is still a never-ending parade of vendors, with ten million questions to make "your special day PERFECT!" I would like less perfection and less questions, thank you very much. It seems to me that all of this wedding hoopla has very little to do with the actual marriage, aka The Reason This Is Happening. Still, I am confident that it's going to be lovely. I can't wait!
"Glamour" this month (anyone else HATE the new, dumbed-down format) had a feature article on whether or not women still believe in marriage. It had the startling statistic that 50% of babies are born out of wedlock nowadays. I find this all, on the whole, encouraging. I think that women waiting longer to wed is GREAT! Nobody should be rushed into marriage for financial reasons, as was the case before. I can't imagine leaving my parents' house and going directly to my husband's home. I loved my single life in my own apartment, and I would not have traded it for anything. I think that women deserve time between being daughters and wives to just be women. Being a woman is hard enough. I think there are vital self-discovery things that go on during that time, without which I know for SURE I would not be ready to be married. I wanted to be my own person before I became half of a whole, and I know that single self-knowledge time will serve me well.
The spectre of divorce looms over my generation, that's for sure. We've not only heard the statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce-we've lived it. Our friend's parents or our parents have split up, and we've grown up knowing what divorce does to families. I'm not advocating against divorce, rest assured. Sometimes things are toxic and unhealthy and divorce is much better than staying in that unsafe place "for the children". I do think, though, having seen so much divorce, women of my age are less likely to wed without really thinking about it.
So if we believe less in "happily ever after", is that really great or really bad? I can't decide. I sometimes think that the "back in my day" stuff is just bunk and there were awful marriages back then, just like now. I like the idea that things are out in the open and nobody is living with shame or fear in private. I am a huge proponent of sharing woes instead of hiding them (obviously-I'm a blogger). But, I do fear we've lost some hope, and that makes me sad. I truly believe I am marrying the love of my life. I have no illusions that things will be perfect, easy, or even pleasant sometimes. But I know who I am, I know who he is, and I know we can make it. It will require endless work but will offer endless rewards. I do believe that true love can happen and it's out there. Am I just totally naive? I don't think so. But of course, I could be wrong.
Important note: this is NOT to say that our twenties are an excuse to be a train wreck, ladies! I firmly do NOT approve of the new HBO show "Girls" (and "Tiny Furniture", the movie that spawned it) and the notion that "being real" means vomiting in one's neighbor's potted plant and doing poorly in one's job. Yes, we all have bad days. But ten years is a really long time to have a bad day. When can we have a show about women who are smart and ambitious and NOT total messes? Show me that, HBO.
Well, all this depressing talk is really just a lead in for my fabulous BRIDAL SHOWER, which happened this weekend! My lovely mother-in-law to be, as well as my sisters-to-be, really went all out to throw me a gorgeous shower. I felt a little silly, being the center of attention (really, these events are odd-you just watch someone open presents for a few hours) but I was just so humbled by all the love and blessings I received. My amazing mom surprised me and flew in my aunts! I was shocked to see them and so grateful for everyone who made that surprise happen.
The event was in the basement of Linda's church, which is just so pretty. Alicia, my BFF, and Victoria, my sister, came in from NYC for the shower, which was super-duper nice. I can aready tell how boring this post is-it's just me saying everything was nice! But it WAS, it really was. To see all my family together, old and new, was just overwhelming. How lucky can a girl get? First I get the perfect guy, then I get the support of my family and friends...it's just so hard to come up with a single negative thought when you are literally surrounded by loved ones. I got tons of cool stuff, enjoyed my excellent company, and overall really had a fabulous day.
To top off the amazing time, I spoke last night at a Women for Obama event! Lilly Ledbetter (of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act-google her if you don't know her amazing story!) was the keynote speaker, and then I did the Obama volunteer pitch. It was so energizing and cool to be surrounded by women of all ages and backgrounds (oldest attendee is 96! And she's running for NH State Rep next term!) I can't reiterate enough how much I love, love, LOVE working for the Obama campaign. The people I have met there are out of this world. It's just an adventure and a pleasure every day. Somebody who heard me asked me to come to her event on Friday, so if this whole blogging thing doesn't pan out, I can always go on the speaking circuit...
See you all soon! Have a wonderful week!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Steel Wool and Pumping Iron
Hi Everyone!!
I don't know about you, but I can't WAIT for this weekend! My mom, sister, and best friend are coming to my bridal shower that my lovely MIL-to-be is throwing for me here in Boston! I LOVE getting company. It makes you realize that, even though you live in a big city that you don't know very well, you do know more than you think. It feels great to take a guest to your "local pizza joint" and be proud that you have such a thing. Is that just me? I don't know...I just like showing people I love the places I love, so when they are far away, I can call and say, "oh, we went to Ernesto's last night" and they have a mental picture of where that is. Reason number six million and forty-five why I need a new (bigger) apartment. (so I have a guestroom!)
Speaking of apartment, my dear friend Laura D. is moving to my neighborhood this summer, so we can commence with much merriment and hijinks! Hurrah! One of the worst parts of where we live now is that all our friends live far away, so this will alleviate that burden.
This weekend was remarkably low key, considering what the upcoming weekend looks like. Mainly, I cleaned and worked out a lot. I know it sounds boring, but it wasn't too bad. I'm involved with the homeless outreach ministry at my church. We meet every thursday night and go out onto Boston Common, handing out food and clothes. Afterwards, we sing some praise songs and have a little sharing of the Word. It's really the highlight of my week. I love the people I serve with-I didn't know until I had it how much I crave Christian fellowship. I don't need (or even want) all of my friends to be Christian-I love learning and sharing with people of other (or no) faiths. But, I have been loving spending time with folks that want to pray with me. It's been such a soothing experience, weird as that sounds. I find that when I pray more, I feel much better about life in general. This should not be a new revelation, but it is. Anyway, I digress.
Part of Thursday night fellowship is making connections with the local homeless population. Occasionally, some of them actually obtain housing (hallelujah!) but then have nothing to fill their apartments with (less hallelujah). So, the group goes through our cupboards and sees what we have to offer. Fortunately, right now, Tom and I are registered for new everything, so when a couple from church got a house last week, I had a lot to offer. Tom, bless him, heroically volunteered his beloved toaster oven to the cause. (side note-unmarried friends! Please add "generosity" to the list of traits you want in a mate. I find this, more than any other thing, continually amazes and surprises me, making me appreciate Tom more each day. But enough about the mushy stuff.) So, the task fell to me to clean said toaster oven. Those who have visited us know this is not a pretty toaster oven, and the task was going to be brutal. However, I wanted to honor Tom's sacrifice by making this thing shine like the top of the Chrysler building! So, I bought some steel wool pads and scrubbed. And scrubbed. And scrubbed some more. I scrubbed that sucker continually for 1.5 hours, no joke. After it was clean, I thought a)why didn't I do that years ago? and b)now that it's clean, maybe we should keep it?
I'm always embarrassed when I learn how to do a simple thing I should have known how to do. This keeps happening to me with house work. Why did I never know how to scrub a bathtub? I know my mother tried to teach me how to do these things, but I guess I didn't listen or it didn't stick. I've become a disciple of "Ask a Clean Person", a column on thehairpin.com, for the inventive answers to my domestic questions. Sometimes I am mortified by how delighted I get when I learn a household task, but then I remember that cleaning is not "woman's work" or something that I should be embarrassed about. I have so, so much more to give to this world than a sparkling bathtub! But, being able to clean things is a useful skill, just like knowing how to change a fuse or do my taxes. A self-sufficient person should be able to do all these things, and just because a chore is traditionally "womanly" doesn't mean that it's beneath my dignity.
Can you sense that I am struggling with gender roles? I so am. Not with Tom, because he is awesome and supportive and incredibly helpful around the house, but in general. "Woman" and "wife" are two titles I didn't give much thought about until I found myself at their doorstep. Now, I am trying to adapt and change, as we all must do to survive, without losing myself in the process. I'm so conflicted-sometimes I desperately want to make a delicious dinner to serve to my fiance at my immaculately set table, and other times I want to declare I don't cook, why don't YOU cook if you're hungry, I didn't get a JD to be a chef! Why can't I make up my mind? Or at least make peace with myself? It sounds a tad melodramatic, but so am I. Does anyone else worry about this?
I am making headway, however. I had an enlightening conversation with an old friend recently who told me that there is "me" and there are "my choices", and the choices I make do not change me, because I am the same person always making the choices. So in that way, "I" never change, or lose myself. It sounds not-so-coherent on paper, but trust me, it makes total sense. Makes me feel better, anyway. This is what you get for talking to Johnnie friends-total clarity and an inability to explain it to anyone else :)
After the oven was clean, I worked out. I've been really paying attention to this lately because, duh, wedding dress. I find the whole concept of working out so bizarre. It's like you have to say "I don't like the way I look" before you try it, since if you were happy, why would you need to improve? It's that acceptance that I need work that's kept me from working out all these years. That, and my crippling laziness I suppose. I've been streaming these workouts to my ipod, which I follow, that I am both able to complete and challenged by. "Crunch" workouts are on netflix instant, and it's been awesome. Some of them are awful, but I've picked a few winners. What a marvelous world we live in, where I can beam a gym instructor to my ipod! Anyway, these past few weeks I have been working out daily, and it's just weird. I feel like I look better but I do not appear to be dropping any weight. Am I doing it wrong? Why am I so clueless about my own body? I feel this way about picking out what to eat, too. I know that lots of calories is bad, and fewer calories is better, but why pick this or that snack? Should I be eating more protein, less carbs? Which are good and bad carbs, again? I am completely unable to make a coherent food plan, and as a result end up eating PB&Js every day. Mmmm....PB&Js. I think I'll make one after I finish this post.
Did you know PB&J is a totally American thing? I guess I should have, but until I went to Singapore, I never realized that most countries really don't eat peanut butter. My friend from India had never tried it! She was underwhelmed. Oh well-for all my jet-setting ways, if I had to give up peanut butter, I'd never survive. It's a staple in my diet. And I am proud of it.
Well, I'd better hit the gym. And have a PB&J. Hope you all have a great day!
Love,
Laura
I don't know about you, but I can't WAIT for this weekend! My mom, sister, and best friend are coming to my bridal shower that my lovely MIL-to-be is throwing for me here in Boston! I LOVE getting company. It makes you realize that, even though you live in a big city that you don't know very well, you do know more than you think. It feels great to take a guest to your "local pizza joint" and be proud that you have such a thing. Is that just me? I don't know...I just like showing people I love the places I love, so when they are far away, I can call and say, "oh, we went to Ernesto's last night" and they have a mental picture of where that is. Reason number six million and forty-five why I need a new (bigger) apartment. (so I have a guestroom!)
Speaking of apartment, my dear friend Laura D. is moving to my neighborhood this summer, so we can commence with much merriment and hijinks! Hurrah! One of the worst parts of where we live now is that all our friends live far away, so this will alleviate that burden.
This weekend was remarkably low key, considering what the upcoming weekend looks like. Mainly, I cleaned and worked out a lot. I know it sounds boring, but it wasn't too bad. I'm involved with the homeless outreach ministry at my church. We meet every thursday night and go out onto Boston Common, handing out food and clothes. Afterwards, we sing some praise songs and have a little sharing of the Word. It's really the highlight of my week. I love the people I serve with-I didn't know until I had it how much I crave Christian fellowship. I don't need (or even want) all of my friends to be Christian-I love learning and sharing with people of other (or no) faiths. But, I have been loving spending time with folks that want to pray with me. It's been such a soothing experience, weird as that sounds. I find that when I pray more, I feel much better about life in general. This should not be a new revelation, but it is. Anyway, I digress.
Part of Thursday night fellowship is making connections with the local homeless population. Occasionally, some of them actually obtain housing (hallelujah!) but then have nothing to fill their apartments with (less hallelujah). So, the group goes through our cupboards and sees what we have to offer. Fortunately, right now, Tom and I are registered for new everything, so when a couple from church got a house last week, I had a lot to offer. Tom, bless him, heroically volunteered his beloved toaster oven to the cause. (side note-unmarried friends! Please add "generosity" to the list of traits you want in a mate. I find this, more than any other thing, continually amazes and surprises me, making me appreciate Tom more each day. But enough about the mushy stuff.) So, the task fell to me to clean said toaster oven. Those who have visited us know this is not a pretty toaster oven, and the task was going to be brutal. However, I wanted to honor Tom's sacrifice by making this thing shine like the top of the Chrysler building! So, I bought some steel wool pads and scrubbed. And scrubbed. And scrubbed some more. I scrubbed that sucker continually for 1.5 hours, no joke. After it was clean, I thought a)why didn't I do that years ago? and b)now that it's clean, maybe we should keep it?
I'm always embarrassed when I learn how to do a simple thing I should have known how to do. This keeps happening to me with house work. Why did I never know how to scrub a bathtub? I know my mother tried to teach me how to do these things, but I guess I didn't listen or it didn't stick. I've become a disciple of "Ask a Clean Person", a column on thehairpin.com, for the inventive answers to my domestic questions. Sometimes I am mortified by how delighted I get when I learn a household task, but then I remember that cleaning is not "woman's work" or something that I should be embarrassed about. I have so, so much more to give to this world than a sparkling bathtub! But, being able to clean things is a useful skill, just like knowing how to change a fuse or do my taxes. A self-sufficient person should be able to do all these things, and just because a chore is traditionally "womanly" doesn't mean that it's beneath my dignity.
Can you sense that I am struggling with gender roles? I so am. Not with Tom, because he is awesome and supportive and incredibly helpful around the house, but in general. "Woman" and "wife" are two titles I didn't give much thought about until I found myself at their doorstep. Now, I am trying to adapt and change, as we all must do to survive, without losing myself in the process. I'm so conflicted-sometimes I desperately want to make a delicious dinner to serve to my fiance at my immaculately set table, and other times I want to declare I don't cook, why don't YOU cook if you're hungry, I didn't get a JD to be a chef! Why can't I make up my mind? Or at least make peace with myself? It sounds a tad melodramatic, but so am I. Does anyone else worry about this?
I am making headway, however. I had an enlightening conversation with an old friend recently who told me that there is "me" and there are "my choices", and the choices I make do not change me, because I am the same person always making the choices. So in that way, "I" never change, or lose myself. It sounds not-so-coherent on paper, but trust me, it makes total sense. Makes me feel better, anyway. This is what you get for talking to Johnnie friends-total clarity and an inability to explain it to anyone else :)
After the oven was clean, I worked out. I've been really paying attention to this lately because, duh, wedding dress. I find the whole concept of working out so bizarre. It's like you have to say "I don't like the way I look" before you try it, since if you were happy, why would you need to improve? It's that acceptance that I need work that's kept me from working out all these years. That, and my crippling laziness I suppose. I've been streaming these workouts to my ipod, which I follow, that I am both able to complete and challenged by. "Crunch" workouts are on netflix instant, and it's been awesome. Some of them are awful, but I've picked a few winners. What a marvelous world we live in, where I can beam a gym instructor to my ipod! Anyway, these past few weeks I have been working out daily, and it's just weird. I feel like I look better but I do not appear to be dropping any weight. Am I doing it wrong? Why am I so clueless about my own body? I feel this way about picking out what to eat, too. I know that lots of calories is bad, and fewer calories is better, but why pick this or that snack? Should I be eating more protein, less carbs? Which are good and bad carbs, again? I am completely unable to make a coherent food plan, and as a result end up eating PB&Js every day. Mmmm....PB&Js. I think I'll make one after I finish this post.
Did you know PB&J is a totally American thing? I guess I should have, but until I went to Singapore, I never realized that most countries really don't eat peanut butter. My friend from India had never tried it! She was underwhelmed. Oh well-for all my jet-setting ways, if I had to give up peanut butter, I'd never survive. It's a staple in my diet. And I am proud of it.
Well, I'd better hit the gym. And have a PB&J. Hope you all have a great day!
Love,
Laura
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Letter to My 13 Year Old Self
Hi Everyone!
Thanks so much for your comments. I was worried that I would get some flack from people, but the people I was most worried about were actually the most supportive commenters. So, way to be awesome, brilliant baby boomers! I salute you and I am proud to continue on the trail you blazed.
It's time for something extremely important-my Glee recap! (or glee-cap). For those of you who somehow escaped all my monolouges about how awesome this show is, now you know-I love Glee. Well, I have a love-hate relationship with it, but more about that later. I plan to recap the episodes here on the blog. Here goes! This week: "Saturday Night Glee-ver!"
I must admit, I know nothing about Saturday Night Fever, so I was not too excited about this ep. As it went on, I realized that I know every single song despite having never seen the movie. That is a testament to how big this movie was, I guess. Anyway, the theme for regionals in "vintage", so the glee club spent the episode exploring SNF as the hapless Mr. Schue relived his glory days as a show choir hunk. Honestly, sometimes the most unbelievable part about this show is that it pretends that show choir is sometimes cool and people go to show choir concerts. I was in show choir, and NO ONE goes to show choir concerts except parents of show choir kids. And nobody claps along, stands up, or rowdily expresses their joy at show choir concerts. But I digress.
Where was Quinn? And Rory and Sugar? One of Glee's biggest flaws is that it has too many main characters, and it's clear when sometimes they forget THREE of them with no explanation. I like the variety, but c'mon people, remember where your kids are! I did not miss any of those three, however, so it's no big loss. Well, except Sugar. I LOVE that girl and her ridiculous facial expressions and outfits. She's breathing some much-needed life into the show. I wonder what it will be like next season when all the current leads are gone?
It's become abundantly clear that I should have a separate Glee blog, given how much I still want to say about this episode-so I will cut this short and get on with the rest of what I had to say today not pertaining to Glee. In conclusion-I've decided that I really don't care what songs they sing on glee, as long as the kids sing them together. As I look back, all my favorite Glee moments are when the kids stand up for and support each other. See, I am a big fat softie who believes embarrasingly much in the healing power of music. I want the Glee kids to remind me of all the fun I had in middle and high school, singing and being weird, but singing and being weird with my friends. In choir-I belonged. And having a community to belong to was what made high school bearable. So I want Glee to be that-happy kids singing. I am willing to sacrifice plot development for hugs. So in that respect, I thought this episode was great. Plus, it featured some heavy screen time for the show's two gay couples, which always earns it MAJOR points from me. Yes, the show often deals with gay storylines clumsily and cheesily, but they are dealing with them at all. Bless their hearts for that! I will always give them some credit for trying.
I've been thinking alot about middle and high school lately, both because of Glee and because of the YA novel I'm writing (which takes place in a high school). First, let me tell you that reflecting on school is not a great idea :) After a while, I start to sound like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite: "If they woulda put me in 4th quarter, we coulda won state." It's tempting to dwell on all the things I've done wrong. With that in mind-I tried to think of things that I have done write. This led to the following: Letter to my 13 year old self.
Dear 13 Year Old Laura,
Hi from the future! Yes, we made it. Middle school, high school, even college and law school came to an end, and we are officially an adult now. It's pretty great, actually. You will like it a lot.
For starters, we have broadband internet now, which means that you don't have to share the phone line with Mom and Dad when you want to visit X-Files fansites from the sole computer in the house, located in the basement. You have your own computer now, with fast, unlimited internet. Yes, you still visit X-Files fansites, just not as much :)
I want to tell you that you are beautiful. You don't know that right now, because you are a teenager with zits who is much, much taller than all your male classmates. This feeling of not-being-beautiful will follow you all your life-so just knock it the heck off right now. No, you are not and will never be five foot tall, 100 pounds. Boys will never be able to carry you in their arms-get over it! You were not meant to be Dana Scully, or Rose from Titanic, or any of the other women you worship right now. You are strong and healthy. Your confidence, once you find it, will make you all the more beautiful. So stop wasting time worrying about your weight. You weigh what you weigh, You're German. It's in your DNA to be sturdy. God made you exactly the way He wanted you to be. You will never drop one single ounce by staring in the mirror, hating your body. Stop trying. Go practice Spanish or something with all the time you now have. You'll wish you'd learned it later.
Kurt Vonnegut is everything you think he is. You were right to pick him up at twelve. You will love him all your life. When you are my age, you will have a framed picture of him on your nightstand. Trust the part of your heart that loves him. Trust your heart, period.
You should know that you didn't become a doctor in Doctors Without Borders like you thought you might. You became a lawyer instead, which you really love. You still yearn to travel to faraway places and help other people-you've done a lot of traveling and helping, actually. So, good for you.
This is very important: stop being such a romantic twit. I mean it. You are absolutely desperate for someone to love you right now. You feel like your life won't be complete until someone kisses you, tells you he loves you, and you get married. You have your entire wedding planned out, down to napkin color. Well, knock it off. You managed to snag a pretty amazing guy, despite your terrible twit-yness. But now, you know that getting married doesn't make you a thinner, prettier, more together person. It isn't a magic wand and it isn't Cinderella at the ball. It's just plain old you, only you're bound to someone else, who is also flawed. So why don't you spend some time thinking about who you might be alone? Develop your inner voice. Write more. Volunteer more. Listen to music more. Explore yourself-you will like who you find.
It will take you until you are twenty one and a truly soul-shattering breakup before you truly find yourself. When you make it all the way to 26, suddenly you're getting married and moving to another city and thinking about changing your name and a lot of other big scary things. You will wish you had spent more time being YOU instead of wishing you were a Mrs. Somebody Else. You're getting everything you ever wanted: the ring, the name, the wedding. But it won't thrill like you thought it would. The real thrill is getting to know the amazing person at your side who you've chosen to share your life with, and letting him get to know you. Because you, just as you are, are enough. More than enough. You are perfect.
I hope this letter doesn't bum you out. Your wedding will still be awesome. You know Mom and Dad will make sure that happens. But it's ultimately not about the wedding at all-and you might miss that if you don't start paying attention. That is my exhortation for you-pay attention. Pay attention to the world around you, the people you meet, the friends you have, the dreams you cherish, the anger you feel, and the little voice inside you that knows right from wrong and always tells you the best thing to do. You are right about so many things-you just need to trust yourself. Don't ever let your fear of not fitting in, your confusion about makeup and other feminine mysteries, or your suspicion that you are the only one who feels like you do talk you out of paying attention to the truly miraculous and blessed life you lead.
Oh, and skip the hair dyeing phase. You were never supposed to be a redhead.
Love,
Laura from the Future
That's all for now, guys. I will update again on Tuesday. Thanks for reading!
Love, Laura
Thanks so much for your comments. I was worried that I would get some flack from people, but the people I was most worried about were actually the most supportive commenters. So, way to be awesome, brilliant baby boomers! I salute you and I am proud to continue on the trail you blazed.
It's time for something extremely important-my Glee recap! (or glee-cap). For those of you who somehow escaped all my monolouges about how awesome this show is, now you know-I love Glee. Well, I have a love-hate relationship with it, but more about that later. I plan to recap the episodes here on the blog. Here goes! This week: "Saturday Night Glee-ver!"
I must admit, I know nothing about Saturday Night Fever, so I was not too excited about this ep. As it went on, I realized that I know every single song despite having never seen the movie. That is a testament to how big this movie was, I guess. Anyway, the theme for regionals in "vintage", so the glee club spent the episode exploring SNF as the hapless Mr. Schue relived his glory days as a show choir hunk. Honestly, sometimes the most unbelievable part about this show is that it pretends that show choir is sometimes cool and people go to show choir concerts. I was in show choir, and NO ONE goes to show choir concerts except parents of show choir kids. And nobody claps along, stands up, or rowdily expresses their joy at show choir concerts. But I digress.
Where was Quinn? And Rory and Sugar? One of Glee's biggest flaws is that it has too many main characters, and it's clear when sometimes they forget THREE of them with no explanation. I like the variety, but c'mon people, remember where your kids are! I did not miss any of those three, however, so it's no big loss. Well, except Sugar. I LOVE that girl and her ridiculous facial expressions and outfits. She's breathing some much-needed life into the show. I wonder what it will be like next season when all the current leads are gone?
It's become abundantly clear that I should have a separate Glee blog, given how much I still want to say about this episode-so I will cut this short and get on with the rest of what I had to say today not pertaining to Glee. In conclusion-I've decided that I really don't care what songs they sing on glee, as long as the kids sing them together. As I look back, all my favorite Glee moments are when the kids stand up for and support each other. See, I am a big fat softie who believes embarrasingly much in the healing power of music. I want the Glee kids to remind me of all the fun I had in middle and high school, singing and being weird, but singing and being weird with my friends. In choir-I belonged. And having a community to belong to was what made high school bearable. So I want Glee to be that-happy kids singing. I am willing to sacrifice plot development for hugs. So in that respect, I thought this episode was great. Plus, it featured some heavy screen time for the show's two gay couples, which always earns it MAJOR points from me. Yes, the show often deals with gay storylines clumsily and cheesily, but they are dealing with them at all. Bless their hearts for that! I will always give them some credit for trying.
I've been thinking alot about middle and high school lately, both because of Glee and because of the YA novel I'm writing (which takes place in a high school). First, let me tell you that reflecting on school is not a great idea :) After a while, I start to sound like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite: "If they woulda put me in 4th quarter, we coulda won state." It's tempting to dwell on all the things I've done wrong. With that in mind-I tried to think of things that I have done write. This led to the following: Letter to my 13 year old self.
Dear 13 Year Old Laura,
Hi from the future! Yes, we made it. Middle school, high school, even college and law school came to an end, and we are officially an adult now. It's pretty great, actually. You will like it a lot.
For starters, we have broadband internet now, which means that you don't have to share the phone line with Mom and Dad when you want to visit X-Files fansites from the sole computer in the house, located in the basement. You have your own computer now, with fast, unlimited internet. Yes, you still visit X-Files fansites, just not as much :)
I want to tell you that you are beautiful. You don't know that right now, because you are a teenager with zits who is much, much taller than all your male classmates. This feeling of not-being-beautiful will follow you all your life-so just knock it the heck off right now. No, you are not and will never be five foot tall, 100 pounds. Boys will never be able to carry you in their arms-get over it! You were not meant to be Dana Scully, or Rose from Titanic, or any of the other women you worship right now. You are strong and healthy. Your confidence, once you find it, will make you all the more beautiful. So stop wasting time worrying about your weight. You weigh what you weigh, You're German. It's in your DNA to be sturdy. God made you exactly the way He wanted you to be. You will never drop one single ounce by staring in the mirror, hating your body. Stop trying. Go practice Spanish or something with all the time you now have. You'll wish you'd learned it later.
Kurt Vonnegut is everything you think he is. You were right to pick him up at twelve. You will love him all your life. When you are my age, you will have a framed picture of him on your nightstand. Trust the part of your heart that loves him. Trust your heart, period.
You should know that you didn't become a doctor in Doctors Without Borders like you thought you might. You became a lawyer instead, which you really love. You still yearn to travel to faraway places and help other people-you've done a lot of traveling and helping, actually. So, good for you.
This is very important: stop being such a romantic twit. I mean it. You are absolutely desperate for someone to love you right now. You feel like your life won't be complete until someone kisses you, tells you he loves you, and you get married. You have your entire wedding planned out, down to napkin color. Well, knock it off. You managed to snag a pretty amazing guy, despite your terrible twit-yness. But now, you know that getting married doesn't make you a thinner, prettier, more together person. It isn't a magic wand and it isn't Cinderella at the ball. It's just plain old you, only you're bound to someone else, who is also flawed. So why don't you spend some time thinking about who you might be alone? Develop your inner voice. Write more. Volunteer more. Listen to music more. Explore yourself-you will like who you find.
It will take you until you are twenty one and a truly soul-shattering breakup before you truly find yourself. When you make it all the way to 26, suddenly you're getting married and moving to another city and thinking about changing your name and a lot of other big scary things. You will wish you had spent more time being YOU instead of wishing you were a Mrs. Somebody Else. You're getting everything you ever wanted: the ring, the name, the wedding. But it won't thrill like you thought it would. The real thrill is getting to know the amazing person at your side who you've chosen to share your life with, and letting him get to know you. Because you, just as you are, are enough. More than enough. You are perfect.
I hope this letter doesn't bum you out. Your wedding will still be awesome. You know Mom and Dad will make sure that happens. But it's ultimately not about the wedding at all-and you might miss that if you don't start paying attention. That is my exhortation for you-pay attention. Pay attention to the world around you, the people you meet, the friends you have, the dreams you cherish, the anger you feel, and the little voice inside you that knows right from wrong and always tells you the best thing to do. You are right about so many things-you just need to trust yourself. Don't ever let your fear of not fitting in, your confusion about makeup and other feminine mysteries, or your suspicion that you are the only one who feels like you do talk you out of paying attention to the truly miraculous and blessed life you lead.
Oh, and skip the hair dyeing phase. You were never supposed to be a redhead.
Love,
Laura from the Future
That's all for now, guys. I will update again on Tuesday. Thanks for reading!
Love, Laura
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
In Praise of Women
Hey Everybody!!
I've decided to update this blog on Tuesdays and Thursdays, for no real reason. I wrote last time that "we'll see how often I update this", but over the weekend I realized that the real problem was going to be restraining myself from posting too much. A forum is a dangerous thing, friends. Once I realized I had somewhere to share my thoughts, they started boiling over with wild abandon, demanding to be shared.
It is H-O-T in Boston. Like record-breaking hot. It was 87 yesterday as folks ran the Boston marathon, which is a big deal here I guess. People go and cheer and have parties and stuff, and nobody has to go to work. Our host, Dave, commented that I have probably not seen a marathon before, since it's too hot in Texas. I didn't want to reveal that I had not seen a marathon because I am stunningly unathletic, so I just nodded politely. It is mighty hot, though. And Tom and I don't have air-conditioning. There's a network of small fans crisscrossing the apartment, and we have the blinds drawn to keep out the sun. Our only respite is our tiny balcony. It is much cooler outside than in. We sit out there and pretend we're in a Tennessee Williams play, with nothing to do but slurp popsicles and comment on how hot it is. How did people LIVE before air-conditioning?
Now, down to the real stuff. I started with the weather because, truth be told, I am a little nervous to post on the topic that I am burning to talk about. You see, I want to talk about something very near and dear to myself-women. A lot of crazy things have been happening, and I can't just ignore them. But I am worried of what people will say. Worried about what men will say, worried about what other women will say, worried about everyone. We can talk about anything in our culture, but it's still unladylike to talk about women. Oh, well. I have seldom been accused of being ladylike.
It all started with contaception. A (thankfully) former Presidential candidate said women should put aspirin between their legs, meaning just keep them closed. As if sex was all our fault. It seems to me that it takes two people to have sex, and unless you're a lesbian, one of those is usually a man. Why is it OUR responsibility to keep our legs closed? Why aren't we telling men to keep their pants on as an effective form of contraception?
Congress decided to have a hearing about it. They invited all men to testify. Because men are so good at contraception. Why is it that it's MY job to stay not-pregnant, but it's still a MAN'S job to tell me how to do it? A woman, Sandra Fluke, wanted to speak about it to Congress, and for her shocking boldness, she was called a SLUT by Rush Limbaugh. I know he's a stupid shock jock and gets paid to say offensive things for a living, but last time I checked, that's sexual harassment. And as we learned in the 80's PSAs, we don't have to take it.
Except, we sort of do have to take it. I read an article recently on cracked.com (a humor site that is frequently accidentally profound) about how men are bad to women because they just want to sleep with us and they can't help it. (http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html) It was, oddly enough, meant to be an apology. We can't help it, said the author. We want to sleep with you, and sometimes you don't let us! So we get our feelings hurt and we call you names. Because you withhold sex from us. Sorry, author, I was just doing what Rick Santorum told me to do.
This pervasive misogny is really starting to get to me. It ties in with a phenomenon I've heard called "Peter Pandemonium". Men are little boys, Judd Apatow and the rest of society tells us, and women are here to nag, parent, train, and reform us. We're not allowed to misbehave or have urges or even have fun-because we've got to take care of our men. We are meant to stay home, behave, pipe down and mind our own business. These are the kind of arguments used against womens' suffrage, and they are still visible today. Haven't we grown up at all? Besides being shockingly heteronormative, it's just plain lame. Why can't I be Peter Pan, too? Why do I, by virtue of what's between my legs, have to be good?
Of course, not every man is a pig like Limbaugh. My fiance Tom is wonderful and pointedly un-sexist. We have about as equal of a relationship as think is possible. Not every man is an ogre, and many of them are pretty great. But even Tom, while watching a movie with me, will express satisfaction when a stereotypical "slutty" girl "gets what she deserves". We are all programmed to think and feel this way. And I've had just about enough of it.
A phrase I heard a lot growing up in the South (not in my own home, thank God) was "nobody likes a dirty girl". Seriously, people say this as an admonition. Clearly, someone likes a dirty girl-the boys who have sex with her. They like her, just not enough to legitimize her by dating her. No, they date "nice" girls who properly deny them sex, but they have to deal with their male urges somehow, since they cannot be helped, so they make a visit to the dirty girl. Well, what about female urges?Why do we have to pretend that we don't think about or want sex, just like men?
That's why we're not allowed to talk about contraception, or female masturbation, or anything like that. Even today, we're not allowed to want sex-or talk about anything related to it. Because nobody likes a dirty girl. So girls go extremely uninformed, sometimes to the detriment of their health or even their lives, because we can't talk about things in a clear and rational way. Even almost-married women like myself must make whispered phonecalls to married girlfriends about contraception-because I'm too scared to ask a doctor. And that is a very sad state of affairs.
Ashley Judd, movie and tv star, thinks so, too. Recently, paparazzi caught her looking less-than-svelte and cried foul, saying her face was puffy and she'd had work done. She responded in a gorgeously measured and intelligent way (read it if you haven't: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/09/ashley-judd-slaps-media-in-the-face-for-speculation-over-her-puffy-appearance.html) that partly inspired this post. I wish I could speak as articulately as she does about this, but unfortunately I can't. She points out, so rightly, that women-hatred is so much in the fabric of our society that not only do women participate in it, but we deny that we're doing so. This is truth, ladies and gentlemen. Our culture makes it easy. Insults like bitch, whore, slut, and pussy are aimed at both genders to signify that a person is acting like women, a very insulting statement, indeed. Young men I know tell each other "sorry you have sand in your vagina" to indicate that the other's behavior is annoying, undesirable. And it's just disgusting, when you think about it.
We, as a culture, hate women. We mercilessly pick apart their appearance-on the street and on television. We insult each other with women-negative terms. And we criticize every choice women make-to have kids, to not have kids, to work, to stay at home, and to use contraception. I, for one, am done with it.
From this day on, I pledge not to criticize a women-one I know or one I don't-for what she is wearing or how she looks. I will try not to use slut, whore, or bitch as insults. And I will point out sexism wherever I see it, on TV or on the street. I will not rant (anymore)-because then I might become shrill and hysterical, something only women do-and I will lose all credit for my argument. I will calmly point out "that is sexist, and I don't appreciate it". Yes, this will annoy those around me. Women and men will call me a downer and say I'm taking everything too seriously. I don't care anymore. I can't watch it happen anymore and not say anything.
I need to wrap this up. I've gone on too long already. I had so much more to say, about how homophobia is inextricably linked to sexism, about the amazing women I'm working with at the Obama campaign who've shown me so much about all the glorious things it means to be a woman, and neo-feminism in the workplace...but I guess that's for another day. Maybe I should have a monthly post about women? Does that interest anybody? Let me know. Let me know all sorts of things-how you feel about this post, how you feel about women, how you feel in general. Let's start talking.
See you thursday, guys. Thanks for reading-you are wonderful!!
I've decided to update this blog on Tuesdays and Thursdays, for no real reason. I wrote last time that "we'll see how often I update this", but over the weekend I realized that the real problem was going to be restraining myself from posting too much. A forum is a dangerous thing, friends. Once I realized I had somewhere to share my thoughts, they started boiling over with wild abandon, demanding to be shared.
It is H-O-T in Boston. Like record-breaking hot. It was 87 yesterday as folks ran the Boston marathon, which is a big deal here I guess. People go and cheer and have parties and stuff, and nobody has to go to work. Our host, Dave, commented that I have probably not seen a marathon before, since it's too hot in Texas. I didn't want to reveal that I had not seen a marathon because I am stunningly unathletic, so I just nodded politely. It is mighty hot, though. And Tom and I don't have air-conditioning. There's a network of small fans crisscrossing the apartment, and we have the blinds drawn to keep out the sun. Our only respite is our tiny balcony. It is much cooler outside than in. We sit out there and pretend we're in a Tennessee Williams play, with nothing to do but slurp popsicles and comment on how hot it is. How did people LIVE before air-conditioning?
Now, down to the real stuff. I started with the weather because, truth be told, I am a little nervous to post on the topic that I am burning to talk about. You see, I want to talk about something very near and dear to myself-women. A lot of crazy things have been happening, and I can't just ignore them. But I am worried of what people will say. Worried about what men will say, worried about what other women will say, worried about everyone. We can talk about anything in our culture, but it's still unladylike to talk about women. Oh, well. I have seldom been accused of being ladylike.
It all started with contaception. A (thankfully) former Presidential candidate said women should put aspirin between their legs, meaning just keep them closed. As if sex was all our fault. It seems to me that it takes two people to have sex, and unless you're a lesbian, one of those is usually a man. Why is it OUR responsibility to keep our legs closed? Why aren't we telling men to keep their pants on as an effective form of contraception?
Congress decided to have a hearing about it. They invited all men to testify. Because men are so good at contraception. Why is it that it's MY job to stay not-pregnant, but it's still a MAN'S job to tell me how to do it? A woman, Sandra Fluke, wanted to speak about it to Congress, and for her shocking boldness, she was called a SLUT by Rush Limbaugh. I know he's a stupid shock jock and gets paid to say offensive things for a living, but last time I checked, that's sexual harassment. And as we learned in the 80's PSAs, we don't have to take it.
Except, we sort of do have to take it. I read an article recently on cracked.com (a humor site that is frequently accidentally profound) about how men are bad to women because they just want to sleep with us and they can't help it. (http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html) It was, oddly enough, meant to be an apology. We can't help it, said the author. We want to sleep with you, and sometimes you don't let us! So we get our feelings hurt and we call you names. Because you withhold sex from us. Sorry, author, I was just doing what Rick Santorum told me to do.
This pervasive misogny is really starting to get to me. It ties in with a phenomenon I've heard called "Peter Pandemonium". Men are little boys, Judd Apatow and the rest of society tells us, and women are here to nag, parent, train, and reform us. We're not allowed to misbehave or have urges or even have fun-because we've got to take care of our men. We are meant to stay home, behave, pipe down and mind our own business. These are the kind of arguments used against womens' suffrage, and they are still visible today. Haven't we grown up at all? Besides being shockingly heteronormative, it's just plain lame. Why can't I be Peter Pan, too? Why do I, by virtue of what's between my legs, have to be good?
Of course, not every man is a pig like Limbaugh. My fiance Tom is wonderful and pointedly un-sexist. We have about as equal of a relationship as think is possible. Not every man is an ogre, and many of them are pretty great. But even Tom, while watching a movie with me, will express satisfaction when a stereotypical "slutty" girl "gets what she deserves". We are all programmed to think and feel this way. And I've had just about enough of it.
A phrase I heard a lot growing up in the South (not in my own home, thank God) was "nobody likes a dirty girl". Seriously, people say this as an admonition. Clearly, someone likes a dirty girl-the boys who have sex with her. They like her, just not enough to legitimize her by dating her. No, they date "nice" girls who properly deny them sex, but they have to deal with their male urges somehow, since they cannot be helped, so they make a visit to the dirty girl. Well, what about female urges?Why do we have to pretend that we don't think about or want sex, just like men?
That's why we're not allowed to talk about contraception, or female masturbation, or anything like that. Even today, we're not allowed to want sex-or talk about anything related to it. Because nobody likes a dirty girl. So girls go extremely uninformed, sometimes to the detriment of their health or even their lives, because we can't talk about things in a clear and rational way. Even almost-married women like myself must make whispered phonecalls to married girlfriends about contraception-because I'm too scared to ask a doctor. And that is a very sad state of affairs.
Ashley Judd, movie and tv star, thinks so, too. Recently, paparazzi caught her looking less-than-svelte and cried foul, saying her face was puffy and she'd had work done. She responded in a gorgeously measured and intelligent way (read it if you haven't: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/09/ashley-judd-slaps-media-in-the-face-for-speculation-over-her-puffy-appearance.html) that partly inspired this post. I wish I could speak as articulately as she does about this, but unfortunately I can't. She points out, so rightly, that women-hatred is so much in the fabric of our society that not only do women participate in it, but we deny that we're doing so. This is truth, ladies and gentlemen. Our culture makes it easy. Insults like bitch, whore, slut, and pussy are aimed at both genders to signify that a person is acting like women, a very insulting statement, indeed. Young men I know tell each other "sorry you have sand in your vagina" to indicate that the other's behavior is annoying, undesirable. And it's just disgusting, when you think about it.
We, as a culture, hate women. We mercilessly pick apart their appearance-on the street and on television. We insult each other with women-negative terms. And we criticize every choice women make-to have kids, to not have kids, to work, to stay at home, and to use contraception. I, for one, am done with it.
From this day on, I pledge not to criticize a women-one I know or one I don't-for what she is wearing or how she looks. I will try not to use slut, whore, or bitch as insults. And I will point out sexism wherever I see it, on TV or on the street. I will not rant (anymore)-because then I might become shrill and hysterical, something only women do-and I will lose all credit for my argument. I will calmly point out "that is sexist, and I don't appreciate it". Yes, this will annoy those around me. Women and men will call me a downer and say I'm taking everything too seriously. I don't care anymore. I can't watch it happen anymore and not say anything.
I need to wrap this up. I've gone on too long already. I had so much more to say, about how homophobia is inextricably linked to sexism, about the amazing women I'm working with at the Obama campaign who've shown me so much about all the glorious things it means to be a woman, and neo-feminism in the workplace...but I guess that's for another day. Maybe I should have a monthly post about women? Does that interest anybody? Let me know. Let me know all sorts of things-how you feel about this post, how you feel about women, how you feel in general. Let's start talking.
See you thursday, guys. Thanks for reading-you are wonderful!!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Here We Go Again
Hello Everyone!
After almost a year, I am back on the blogosphere. I missed the seductive lure of people actually reading what I write, plus, my wonderful mom (hi, Mom!) reminded me that I am good at blogging, and that I should do it again. The original plan was to make an Obama blog, but that got axed by my supervisor (official policy and so forth). Once the blog seed had been planted, however, I couldn't resist.
My objections to blogging are these:
a) my life is not interesting enough for a blog
b) it's really self-indulgent
c) people will resent me posting minute details of my life on the internet.
I realized that hey, I am a part of the Millenial generation! We all post everything on the internet! And, if I am not being too bold, people enjoyed my last blog. I know that I am now not traveling to amazing places and thus lost the magic of the late, great AOSS, but hopefully there's someone out there who is interested in what I have to say.
Kurt Vonnegut, a personal hero of mine, asked himself near the end of his life, "why bother?" He was talking about why people write, or more broadly why people create things. His answer was this: "Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'"
Right now, I am at a big crossroads in my life. I am about to get married. I live in a new city. I am looking for a job. I feel like I am on the cusp of many things. I can tell you that it is sometimes exhilarating, sometimes frustrating, and always very extreme. I feel like there are others out there, like me, who are riding this incredible wave of emotions. Hopefully my blog will make you feel like you are not alone.
So that's the idea, anyway. I probably won't post as often as I did on AOSS, but who knows? I will certainly talk about interesting things that are going on in my life. I will probably include my musings on books, movies, and TV, as well as current events. I might include interesting recipes and other pieces of domestic wisdom I learn. Things are in flux right now. We will see what happens, eh? Thanks for reading. I love you all.
Laura
PS-The title of my blog refers to Hestia, the Greek goddess of domesticity and the hearth. I wanted to make a statement about the disconnect between being a wife and being a housewife, i.e.-just because I am going to get married does not mean that I know how to clean or cook. It's a modern woman's dilemma and I think many of us are dealing with it but not talking about it. So, I want to talk about it. :)
After almost a year, I am back on the blogosphere. I missed the seductive lure of people actually reading what I write, plus, my wonderful mom (hi, Mom!) reminded me that I am good at blogging, and that I should do it again. The original plan was to make an Obama blog, but that got axed by my supervisor (official policy and so forth). Once the blog seed had been planted, however, I couldn't resist.
My objections to blogging are these:
a) my life is not interesting enough for a blog
b) it's really self-indulgent
c) people will resent me posting minute details of my life on the internet.
I realized that hey, I am a part of the Millenial generation! We all post everything on the internet! And, if I am not being too bold, people enjoyed my last blog. I know that I am now not traveling to amazing places and thus lost the magic of the late, great AOSS, but hopefully there's someone out there who is interested in what I have to say.
Kurt Vonnegut, a personal hero of mine, asked himself near the end of his life, "why bother?" He was talking about why people write, or more broadly why people create things. His answer was this: "Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'"
Right now, I am at a big crossroads in my life. I am about to get married. I live in a new city. I am looking for a job. I feel like I am on the cusp of many things. I can tell you that it is sometimes exhilarating, sometimes frustrating, and always very extreme. I feel like there are others out there, like me, who are riding this incredible wave of emotions. Hopefully my blog will make you feel like you are not alone.
So that's the idea, anyway. I probably won't post as often as I did on AOSS, but who knows? I will certainly talk about interesting things that are going on in my life. I will probably include my musings on books, movies, and TV, as well as current events. I might include interesting recipes and other pieces of domestic wisdom I learn. Things are in flux right now. We will see what happens, eh? Thanks for reading. I love you all.
Laura
PS-The title of my blog refers to Hestia, the Greek goddess of domesticity and the hearth. I wanted to make a statement about the disconnect between being a wife and being a housewife, i.e.-just because I am going to get married does not mean that I know how to clean or cook. It's a modern woman's dilemma and I think many of us are dealing with it but not talking about it. So, I want to talk about it. :)
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