Letter to My 13 Year Old Self

Hi Everyone!

Thanks so much for your comments. I was worried that I would get some flack from people, but the people I was most worried about were actually the most supportive commenters. So, way to be awesome, brilliant baby boomers! I salute you and I am proud to continue on the trail you blazed.

It's time for something extremely important-my Glee recap! (or glee-cap). For those of you who somehow escaped all my monolouges about how awesome this show is, now you know-I love Glee. Well, I have a love-hate relationship with it, but more about that later. I plan to recap the episodes here on the blog. Here goes! This week: "Saturday Night Glee-ver!"

I must admit, I know nothing about Saturday Night Fever, so I was not too excited about this ep. As it went on, I realized that I know every single song despite having never seen the movie. That is a testament to how big this movie was, I guess. Anyway, the theme for regionals in "vintage", so the glee club spent the episode exploring SNF as the hapless Mr. Schue relived his glory days as a show choir hunk. Honestly, sometimes the most unbelievable part about this show is that it pretends that show choir is sometimes cool and people go to show choir concerts. I was in show choir, and NO ONE goes to show choir concerts except parents of show choir kids. And nobody claps along, stands up, or rowdily expresses their joy at show choir concerts. But I digress.

Where was Quinn? And Rory and Sugar? One of Glee's biggest flaws is that it has too many main characters, and it's clear when sometimes they forget THREE of them with no explanation. I like the variety, but c'mon people, remember where your kids are! I did not miss any of those three, however, so it's no big loss. Well, except Sugar. I LOVE that girl and her ridiculous facial expressions and outfits. She's breathing some much-needed life into the show. I wonder what it will be like next season when all the current leads are gone?

It's become abundantly clear that I should have a separate Glee blog, given how much I still want to say about this episode-so I will cut this short and get on with the rest of what I had to say today not pertaining to Glee. In conclusion-I've decided that I really don't care what songs they sing on glee, as long as the kids sing them together. As I look back, all my favorite Glee moments are when the kids stand up for and support each other. See, I am a big fat softie who believes embarrasingly much in the healing power of music. I want the Glee kids to remind me of all the fun I had in middle and high school, singing and being weird, but singing and being weird with my friends. In choir-I belonged. And having a community to belong to was what made high school bearable. So I want Glee to be that-happy kids singing. I am willing to sacrifice plot development for hugs. So in that respect, I thought this episode was great. Plus, it featured some heavy screen time for the show's two gay couples, which always earns it MAJOR points from me. Yes, the show often deals with gay storylines clumsily and cheesily, but they are dealing with them at all. Bless their hearts for that! I will always give them some credit for trying.

I've been thinking alot about middle and high school lately, both because of Glee and because of the YA novel I'm writing (which takes place in a high school). First, let me tell you that reflecting on school is not a great idea :) After a while, I start to sound like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite: "If they woulda put me in 4th quarter, we coulda won state." It's tempting to dwell on all the things I've done wrong. With that in mind-I tried to think of things that I have done write. This led to the following: Letter to my 13 year old self.

Dear 13 Year Old Laura,

Hi from the future! Yes, we made it. Middle school, high school, even college and law school came to an end, and we are officially an adult now. It's pretty great, actually. You will like it a lot.

For starters, we have broadband internet now, which means that you don't have to share the phone line with Mom and Dad when you want to visit X-Files fansites from the sole computer in the house, located in the basement. You have your own computer now, with fast, unlimited internet. Yes, you still visit X-Files fansites, just not as much :)

I want to tell you that you are beautiful. You don't know that right now, because you are a teenager with zits who is much, much taller than all your male classmates. This feeling of not-being-beautiful will follow you all your life-so just knock it the heck off right now. No, you are not and will never be five foot tall, 100 pounds. Boys will never be able to carry you in their arms-get over it! You were not meant to be Dana Scully, or Rose from Titanic, or any of the other women you worship right now. You are strong and healthy. Your confidence, once you find it, will make you all the more beautiful. So stop wasting time worrying about your weight. You weigh what you weigh, You're German. It's in your DNA to be sturdy. God made you exactly the way He wanted you to be. You will never drop one single ounce by staring in the mirror, hating your body. Stop trying. Go practice Spanish or something with all the time you now have. You'll wish you'd learned it later.

Kurt Vonnegut is everything you think he is. You were right to pick him up at twelve. You will love him all your life. When you are my age, you will have a framed picture of him on your nightstand. Trust the part of your heart that loves him. Trust your heart, period.

You should know that you didn't become a doctor in Doctors Without Borders like you thought you might. You became a lawyer instead, which you really love. You still yearn to travel to faraway places and help other people-you've done a lot of traveling and helping, actually. So, good for you.

This is very important: stop being such a romantic twit. I mean it. You are absolutely desperate for someone to love you right now. You feel like your life won't be complete until someone kisses you, tells you he loves you, and you get married. You have your entire wedding planned out, down to napkin color. Well, knock it off. You managed to snag a pretty amazing guy, despite your terrible twit-yness. But now, you know that getting married doesn't make you a thinner, prettier, more together person. It isn't a magic wand and it isn't Cinderella at the ball. It's just plain old you, only you're bound to someone else, who is also flawed. So why don't you spend some time thinking about who you might be alone? Develop your inner voice. Write more. Volunteer more. Listen to music more. Explore yourself-you will like who you find.

It will take you until you are twenty one and a truly soul-shattering breakup before you truly find yourself. When you make it all the way to 26, suddenly you're getting married and moving to another city and thinking about changing your name and a lot of other big scary things. You will wish you had spent more time being YOU instead of wishing you were a Mrs. Somebody Else. You're getting everything you ever wanted: the ring, the name, the wedding. But it won't thrill like you thought it would. The real thrill is getting to know the amazing person at your side who you've chosen to share your life with, and letting him get to know you. Because you, just as you are, are enough. More than enough. You are perfect.

I hope this letter doesn't bum you out. Your wedding will still be awesome. You know Mom and Dad will make sure that happens. But it's ultimately not about the wedding at all-and you might miss that if you don't start paying attention. That is my exhortation for you-pay attention. Pay attention to the world around you, the people you meet, the friends you have, the dreams you cherish, the anger you feel, and the little voice inside you that knows right from wrong and always tells you the best thing to do. You are right about so many things-you just need to trust yourself. Don't ever let your fear of not fitting in, your confusion about makeup and other feminine mysteries, or your suspicion that you are the only one who feels like you do talk you out of paying attention to the truly miraculous and blessed life you lead.

Oh, and skip the hair dyeing phase. You were never supposed to be a redhead.

Love,
Laura from the Future

That's all for now, guys. I will update again on Tuesday. Thanks for reading!

Love, Laura